My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
