just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
