There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
