if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
