final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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