Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
