Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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