OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
