you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
