I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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