Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
