I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
