Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
