Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
