my shit smells like andre
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
