Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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