he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
