Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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