They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
