I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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