you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A+ Viking dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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