His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
