Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
