Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
