you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
