Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
