drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
