did you get engaged???
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
