I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
