I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
