She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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