Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
