what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
