Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
