found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
