dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
