You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
