sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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