In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
