We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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