i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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