i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
