I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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