Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
