i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come share oat with me in your robe
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
