i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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