I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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