Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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