I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
