Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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