A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
