Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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