I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
as a side note pls kill me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
