all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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