I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
